326“I’d just broken up with my girlfriend, but we were supposed to go to a wedding together two weeks later and she still wanted to come. I was best man, and gave a funny speech that went down well.

"Afterwards she acted jealous when other women were talking to me, and whispered in my ear ‘Just wait till we get back to the hotel’. We got back later and were kissing, getting undressed when the phone rang.

"I answered and it was my mate, who said he and my other friends wanted a drink but the hotel wouldn’t serve them because they weren’t staying there. I told him I was busy but he rang back, so I ran downstairs, half undressed, to buy them a round and shut them up. But just as I got into the hotel bar, they pulled the shutter down to close it. So

"I ran back upstairs, burst into the room and found my ex sitting on the floor, making a cup of tea. ‘What are you doing?’ I said. She replied with this.”